November 1995... I was 16 years old.

It was my first time in US. I came to visit my colleagues from Californian Leadership Association.

I will never forget this trip, as it was a true paradigm shift. I had no excitement to go there, I didn’t want. My family had been left in Russia, where people thought there was no so good live in America. It had been difficult to me to accept that “better life” had existed somewhere. I had accepted my new life quite quickly and had been feeling pretty cool, visiting many different places, making different trainings, conferences, camps.

Finally, last day before departure and it was my day off!! With my friends we had decided to go all together to the biggest mall.

I was on the street of Washington! Gosh, I had never seen so many shops!! Full of things to buy!! It was incredible, as in my country all shops were quite empty. One street, another, 3 more ... after some time I realised that I didn’t know where I was! There were no cellphones and I even didn’t know the name of the street where I was needed to return – my memory remembered the big mall only!

I has stopped someone. “Can you help me?” I asked – “No!” was the answer

Second person: “Can you help me?” – “No!”

Third person: “Can you help me?” – “No!”

I’d asked dozens of people and nobody wanted to HELP!! What’s going on? I felt desperate.

Suddenly a young couple stopped, and the lady said to her boyfriend: “Wait! She is not asking for money”!

No, I wasn’t. I was asking where the big impressive central MALL is 😉. But only these two understood me. Finally I was able to explain somebody my situation, and, curiously, more and more people were joining our discussion! I felt blessed that so many people were there to find the solution even with such a poor description as “big street with huge Mall” 😉

So what is asking for help? What is this kind of vibration which you send from yourself, that people don’t want to deal with you and run away? What feeling does it create inside of you? I have recalled that situation so many times, that I have finally realised, why I was waiting for my “help” for so long. I couldn’t get their attention, because when I was asking for HELP nobody wanted to reply! I understood that it is all about your mindset: asking help is to dare to admit that you can’t do it by yourself, but as well to put yourself in the situation of hopeless and wait. And, in opposite, what is looking for solutions, what is collaboration spirit, what is being a person who just communicates positively?

You can change it in a second if you set up your mindset on the direction of solution, right communication, creativity. Reformulate your demand and your will reform your vision by consequence the action and the result will follow.

A lot of people ask me for “help” in any different forms. I am not “helping”, but providing solution to live independent, positive and happy life.

I remember this trip as it was yesterday – not only because it was a big cultural leap. It was also a lesson: asking for “help” won’t serve you. It takes to open your eyes and to see the solution – it is always there.

Give a wink to your week 😉


Aline Banon